Making it through the day
by Kassandra Luem
Summary: ,,She was tired and weary, tired from having spent way too much nights in a row on call and weary from the heavy, accusatory silence that seemed to be all Derek had left for her' Drabble, Addisoncentric


Alright, this is my first GA fic, so please be gentle.

I'm not yet sure where this story is heading, perhaps it's just going to be a one-shot. But if I continue it will definitley be Addisex, because I think they're just toooo cute.

Anyway, hope you like it. please, r&r

love, kassandra

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Making it through today

Addison Forbes Montgomery felt like shit. She was tired and weary, tired from having spent way too much nights in a row on call and weary from the heavy, accusatory silence that seemed to be all Derek had left for her.

She heard the faint sound of laughter and absentmindedly looked for its source. Soon her gaze settled on Izzie, Meredith and George, laughing over there in the corner. They were like a family, always supporting each other, no matter what.

And she was alone.

All alone.

Their closeness just made it even more obvious to her. If she were to fall, there would be noone there to catch her. Once, there would have been Derek, but she had destroyed everything they had ever been. It was her own damned fault that she was where she was. It was her own fault that she felt on the verge of breaking and that quite frankly there was noone to care. And it was her own fault that she deserved every little bit of it.

McSatan.

Sometimes she thought they were right to call her like that. After everything she'd done, the name really seemed to fit.

Just ask Derek, surely he'll agree to this, she thought bitterly. But then again she had lost the right to complain.

But she was only human, something inside of her screamed. Even she had the right to crack every now and then, no matter how impossible it might seem to all of them that McSatan actually had feelings.

For a tiny moment she closed her eyes, resting her back on the wall. She wondered when exactly her life had gotten so fucked up. She wondered when she had gone from being a person to being the cold bitch she was known as.

But quite frankly, it was better this way. As long as nobody got close to her, nobody could hurt her, that was what she had always been telling herself. But there was also nobody to turn to.

,,Dr. Montgomery?''

Sighing inwardly, she opened her eyes. So she was in for another round of make-believe. Gosh, she so was the queen of make-believe! No matter how crappy she felt, she could always fight back the tears, molding her face into an impassive mask, faking a smile that didn't give away any of the feelings that were actually driving her on the brick of insanity.

As long as nobody really looked into her eyes, she was fine. Because only when they really took the time to search her eyes for emotion, the whole ocean of loneliness and dispair that threatened to consume her entirely, would become detectable.

,,Yes?''

The nurse almost seemed sorry to disturb her. The thought made her stomach squirm. If people even went as far as to pity Satan, then she must really look terrible.

,,It's the Avery-child. His vitals are dropping slowly but steadily. I think you should take a look at him.''

Nodding courtly she turned away, her four-inch-heels clicking loudly on the floor, as she walked towards the elevator.

So here she went again, Dr. Montgomery – Shepherd, the best neonatal surgeon people would find in the whole country.

If she just let herself be defined by her professional persona, and not by all the mistakes _Addison_ had chosen to make, perhaps she could make it through the day. If she just concentrated on her patients needing her, perhaps she could forget the fact that her own husband didn't want her anymore.

Perhaps she could make it through today without crumbling.

Even if the thought that tomorrow this whole mess would just start all over again made her heart clench.

**TBC?**

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**A/N:** Alright, so what do you think? Is it worth to continue with it? please review! 


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